For the Love

I just finished listening to For the Love by Jen Hatmaker and I am so conflicted. There is a lot – really, a lot – of good about this book. But there is this one Really Bad Thing. In time, I may forget the Bad Thing, but right now it makes me think I won’t pick this book up again.

First, let’s celebrate the good. Jen Hatmaker reads this audiobook and she does a great job. When an author reads his/her own work (and does it well), it brings me joy. I have seen Jen Hatmaker speak and I can honestly say that her reading voice sounded like her speaking voice: friendly, expressive, conversational, and heartfelt.

Jen Hatmaker is funny. This is one of the reasons people love her. Although it felt a little confusing from a strictly literary standpoint, this book went back and forth between celebrating women, laying down God Truth, and Jimmy Fallon-style thank you notes. The parts celebrating womanhood were the most humorous, especially the parts about child-rearing. Jen Hatmaker (yes, I have to call her by her whole name – I don’t know why, it’s just what I do) is self-deprecating in an honest way that a lot of moms aren’t. It’s nice to laugh at how preposterous this whole parenting gig can be. And the thank you letters…the thank you letters are hilarious. My favorite was the letter to Facebook Quizzes. You should Google it.

The theology that Jen Hatmaker lays down is truthful and solid. She speaks to issues like pastoral honesty and church community and mission work. Her passion for the poor is evident in her writing, as is her desire to see mission trips done right. I wish every church would read her section on how to work with local churches in missions. She puts forth the radical idea that Americans on mission trips should listen to the local church leaders and Do What They Ask instead of setting our own agendas. And she states that we need to be more committed to those churches instead of taking One and Done mission trips.

Okay, the Really Bad Thing. Full disclosure: I’m being petty. Jen Hatmaker makes me feel bad about myself. I’m sure she doesn’t intend it, I know that it’s my own problem, but it’s still real and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. Jen Hatmaker has five kids and writes and is a pastor’s wife and some kind of wonder-cook and yet she has All the Friends with All the Closeness. She talks about her tribe, her people, all of these amazing friends she always seems to be with who are so supportive and taking vacations together and having deep conversations and OMG what is wrong with me that my kids and my job are pretty much all I can handle and I don’t have that kind of Sex and the City Working Mom Iron Chef thing that she has?  I couldn’t finish her book Seven for the same reason. Yeah, I get that it’s me and it’s not “what’s wrong with me” but more “it’s okay that I’m not there in this ‘season’.” But, seriously, I feel bad. And just in case this might make you feel the same way, I’m putting it in this review.

So – great audio book reader. Funny. Solid theology. If you are living the large circle of extremely close friends, this is so your life. If you don’t give a flip whether you have a large circle of extremely close friends, namaste on your evolvement – read the book. If you can’t handle hearing about someone else’s large circle of extremely close friends right now because that’s not where you are, maybe wait on this one.

Happy reading,

Malinda

The Truth About Who You Are

                                                

I am about to tell you five of the best things about me. 

1. I am giving. I give of myself, my time, and my money to family, friends, and my students. I do more than anyone realizes, behind the scenes, without taking credit. I am the kind of woman who will work a 12 hour day and then come home and make cupcakes for my students just to show them that I care about them. 

2. I am nurturing. I am incredibly patient, caring, kind, and calm. In situations where other teachers would yell at a student, I can keep my cool and speak gently. When others are freaking out, I can remain calm and centered. I am the kind of woman others aspire to be. 

3. I look out for others. Ever since I was a small child, I have been deeply concerned about the needs of others. I made sure that other children were included, especially those who were picked on or left out. As an adult, I continue to stick up for anyone who needs an advocate. I am fiercely protective. 

4. I have the gift of mercy. Although I can be cautious about letting people get close to me, I offer love and acceptance with no strings attached. Where others find an opportunity to judge, I find an opportunity to show compassion.  I can see the pain that dwells behind hatred, anger, and sin. 

5. I give the best hugs in the entire world. 

Confession: I didn’t really make that list.  What I actually did was go to five people (my husband, my co-teacher, my father, my best friend, and my son) and ask them what it is that they like about me. It was a horrendously difficult thing to do. I was embarrassed to ask and embarrassed to hear what they had to say. I had to bite my tongue to keep from denying their words.  

You see, if I had to make a list about myself, if would go something like this:

Fat

Lazy

Self centered

Snarky

Unaccomplished

That’s the self I see. If you talk to most women, I imagine that many of us think of ourselves with very negative words. That is what I hear most of the time when I talk to my friends and co-workers – I hear the negative, the “too busy”, the “not pretty”, the “should have”, the endless apologies for things that are perfectly human. 

It hurts me when I see women of immense value, women with endless talent, women I admire, who cannot see themselves in the light of who they are. I want my friends, my coworkers, the women of my church community, the women in my family – I want them to see what I see and stop talking to and about themselves in such negative terms.  

But…I can’t ask in others what I am not willing to do myself. So, I decided to start by asking what others see in me. I am going to try my best to put fat, lazy, self centered, snarky, and unaccomplished in the garbage where they belong. I am going to look in the mirror and see giving, protective, nurturing, merciful, and affectionate. I am going to accept compliments with grace. I am going to live like I believe that the people who love me do so because they see something in me that is beautiful and worthwhile. 

If I can do it, so can you. Ask the people who know you what they see in you. BELIEVE what they tell you. EMBRACE the amazing person you are. Throw your negative words away and live the truth of who you are.