Boys at Risk

Every once in awhile, I am blessed to be asked to speak on the topic of "Boys at Risk." Inevitably, people assume that I am going to be talking to them about a particular group of boys - boys who live in poverty, boys with absent fathers, or boys who have fallen behind academically. Then, they wonder what the risk is. Academic? Social? Could it even be that their lives are the risk? The answer, like that on a badly written test, is "All of the Above." 

Statistically speaking, almost ALL of our boys are at risk (if you don't believe me, stay tuned), and it is so important to me that we start having a conversation about why that has happened and what we can do about it. 

This Wednesday I will be giving a brief training on "Boys at Risk" and thought it might be good to do a series of blog posts sharing the information I'll be covering. After all, almost all of us have a son, a nephew, a neighbor - a boy in our life who could use our help. 

Let's start with what the risks are that our boys are facing. I like numbers - clear cut statistics that help me make sense of things. Here are a few about boys: 

For every 100 girls age 6 to 14 diagnosed with a learning disability, 160 boys are diagnosed a learning disability. (US Census Bureau, 2006)

For every 100 females age 15 to 19 who commit suicide, 549 males in the same age range kill themselves. (CDC 2002)

For every 100 girls in correctional facilities, 879 boys are behind bars (Census.gov 2000)

Boys commit 95% of juvenile homicides. (Boys in Crisis, Paul Slocumb)

There are 133 females getting bachelor's degrees for every 100 males. (Boys in Crisis, Paul Slocumb)

61% of students held back a year are males. (US Dept of Education)

76% of students diagnosed emotionally disturbed are boys.  (US Dept of Education)

Boys represent 90% of discipline problems in the classroom and 80% of the dropouts. (Boys and Girls Learn Differently, Michael Gurian) 

Now, if you read over that really quickly because you were waiting to see what would come next or because statistics aren’t your thing, I want you to go back and read that list again. I want you to read each item and ask yourself a question:

What does the future of the United States look like if this continues? 

Next, let's look at what I wrote about how this affects all boys. A lot of commentators will take one or more of those statistics, and they will tell you that something about American culture is the ONLY relevant factor (and, of course, it just so happens to fit their own personal religious, political, or personal agenda). But that doesn't stand up to scrutiny. Why? Well for one thing...

§The Organization of Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) PISA (Programme for International Assessment) Data shows boys behind girls in most developmental, behavioral, academic, and social markers in all industrialized countries. (OECD, 2015)

I want to point out a really important phrase there: all industrialized countries. To get how huge that is, you have to thing about which countries make up all industrialized countries.  Here's a snapshot from the OECD report that specifically deals with gender. 

That's not the whole graph (which was related to my technical prowess or lack thereof), but it is enough because you can see that all industrialized countries includes places like Qatar, Tunisia, and China. Those are not cultures with norms that line up to the United States. There is a BIG, WORLDWIDE problem with our boys. American culture, especially some narrow opinion word like "feminization," does not cut it as a cause.  

So, what is the cause. And - oh my Lanta - what do we do about it?  Well, there isn't a "The Cause" but there are a lot of contributing factors which, according to experts, include the following: 

Environmental Neurotoxins  Family Breakdown Gender Stereotypes Lack of Role Models Nutrition Failure to Train Teachers on Gender Based Brain Difference Failure to Inform Parents About the Past 50 Years of Brain Based Research EMPHASIS ON STEM Technology Overload  Decreased Physical Movement Explosion of Prison Population Lack of Parental Advocacy Historical Definitions of Manhood Evolution Underfunding/Serving Males in Poverty Cessation of Rights of Passage The Act-Like-A-Man Box

Yes, that is a large, scary list. Pick three and you could take the rest of your life to research just those factors. So, I am not covering those in this series. I am going to briefly look at three of them - Neurology, Lack of Role Models, and The Act-Like-a-Man Box and give you three, practical, immediately applicable strategies for helping the boys in your life deal with each issue. 

In the meantime, if you can't wait to find out more, I'm going to recommend that you rent the documentary The Mask You Live In on Netflix, YouTube, Prime, or your preferred mode of documentary viewing. 

In These 40 Days

As a kid, I recall Christmas having a big buildup. My parents would be in rehearsal for a cantata starting in November. Mom and I would put up the Christmas tree as early as we could, carefully handling each ornament as Julie Andrews belted out "Joy to the World" on our favorite Christmas LP. As soon as December arrived, we would start singing Christmas hymns in church, I would open a window of my advent calendar each day, and my mom's hand-painted nativity scene would grace our hearth. By the time Christmas morning arrived, the anticipation had reached a fever pitch. After opening presents, we would head to church for a three hour service that would include the nativity play and song after beautiful Christmas song.

We were really excited that baby Jesus had been born.

Easter, on the other hand, wasn't much of a celebration. My mom would make me a new dress, which I always loved, and I looked forward to seeing what the Easter bunny would bring me. On Easter morning, after excitedly looking at my basket of goodies, I would put on my new dress and we would go to church. There was often a baptism Easter morning, but there was often one anyway. I suppose there were Easter songs, but I didn't know which ones they were.

Clearly, we weren't that excited about the resurrection.

This bothered me. Most Christians would agree that Christianity is a religion founded on the belief that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, gave His own life on Good Friday as a sacrifice for the sins of mankind and then rose from the dead on Easter Sunday so that we too might have new life in God. If that's what we are putting at the heart of our belief, shouldn't it be our biggest - our most joyous - celebration of the year? Shouldn't we be getting ready beforehand by doing more than just getting new clothes?  In a search for something more, I asked my parents if we could start celebrating the Passover. They were happy for us to do so and even invited friends sometimes. It stretched Easter to a weekend. But it still felt like Easter was Christmas' sad, neglected little step sibling.

Then came Lent.

I joined the Methodist church as an adult. Like other Liturgical faiths, Methodists practice Lent. Starting with Ash Wednesday, Lent is a time of preparation lasting the 40 days until Easter (not including Sunday because Sunday is always a celebration). It is traditional to chose something from which to fast during those 40 days - preferably something that shouldn't be part of your life anyway and can stay gone once those 40 days are over (for example: gossip or lying). Some people also chose Lent as a time for addition or replacement; for example I might choose to stop listening to music on my way to work and instead spend that time praying for my family (or I might get up earlier and read my Bible). Lent also includes, for many churches, special services and studies. All of this leads to the deeply meaningful services of Holy Week, culminating in - YAY - Easter morning!

I finally found what I was looking for! This is the "big deal" Kid Malinda wanted so badly to experience. This is what puts focus on, and builds anticipation for, the most important day of the Christian calendar. This is my favorite, most cherished, time of the year. And if you've been looking for something to make Easter more meaningful for your family, if you want to "prepare the way for the Lord," if you believe that Easter marks the most important day of our faith, then you are always welcome to join in.

For more on this season, here is an excellent message from Jeff Cavins:

To All the Songs I’ve Loved Before….

So, the Dorf household is a divided household. I love Willie Nelson's music--rather his singing AND his guitar playing. Malinda only likes his guitar playing. Thus, out of respect for her, I rarely play Willie out loud.  

For Christmas, I received an expansive Willie Nelson biography by Andrew Vaughn titled Willie Nelson: American Icon. Willie’s had quite the life, and this retrospective up to mid-2017 was filled with incredible photos and an entertaining look back through not only his career, but his life in general. There are a few hiccups in the writing a few times, namely the amount of times his singing style is described as being “sycophantic.” There are also a few repeat anecdotes, but I can look past those. I learned a lot about Shotgun Willie, and the photographs are truly amazing. If you are a Willie Nelson fan, this book is for you. After reading it, it truly made me want to go back and re-discover Nelson all over again.

Whose Ashes Are They?

When I was in college (and still an unhappy but deeply committed evangelical), one of my favorite professors was such a devoted Catholic that she attended early morning mass each day before school. On Ash Wednesday, she would teach her classes with a dark cross smudged across her forehead. I was impressed by her commitment, although I only vaguely understood Ash Wednesday to be some kind of crazy, mystical papist mumbo jumbo.

In the almost two decades since, I found spiritual contentment in a liturgical faith and have worn that smudgy cross many times myself. This year, however, was the first time I have followed in my professor's footsteps and shown up to work with a cross already on my forehead.

I fielded many strange looks and interesting questions today, but one conversation with a group of sixth graders won the prize for Strangest of the Strange. It went something like this:

Student A: "What is on your head?"
Me: "Ashes."
Student A: "Is it a tattoo?"
Me: "No. It's ashes."
Student A: "Why?"
Me: "It's Ash Wednesday."
Student A: "So...whose ashes are they?"
Me: "They aren't a person's ashes! They are ashes from palm fronds."
Student B: "So...what's it for?"
Me: "It's a religious holiday."
Student B: " So, are they Jesus' ashes?"
Me: "No! They are not human ashes. They are from a plant!"
Student C: "Are you sure? My grandpa was cremated. Are you sure they aren't..."
Me: "Oh my goodness! No! I do not have your grandpa's ashes on my forehead."

As much as this conversation Cracks. Me. Up. it also reminds me that I once knew as much about Ash Wednesday as those kids (okay, maybe I at least knew the ashes weren't human!) and there are still many Christian denominations who have practices about which I know very little.

The season of Lent, starting with Ash Wednesday, has become very precious to me. It is deeply healing and reflective. It embodies what I think Christianity is about - the continual journal to be more like the God of love who created us. Apparently, I'm not the only one who feels this way because even many people who are not part of a liturgical tradition are starting to practice Ash Wednesday - and Lent - either on their own or with a body of believers.

If you are interested in what Lent is and how to commit to this season, here is an excellent video from Ascension.

Poop Fountain: A Review by B.

3 2 1 BLAST OFF! Or should I say POOP OFF! so I read a book called the quikpick papers: poop fountain by tom angleberger.  It was pretty good here is a quote from the book. ’This is the report of the first-ever trip of the Qwikpick  adventure society’. Sooo aperently there a society.witch makes no sense because there three people  because a society is useally like 12 people  so id give this five stars oh and by the way……. Oh poop I forgot