When my first son was born, I was really offended by all of the people telling me how different boys are from girls. I was convinced that all of the boy/girl differences I saw in my classroom and elsewhere were 100% nurture and 0% nature. "If we didn't treat girls and boys differently," I assumed, "they wouldn't be different." After spending many, many hours in training, reading, and researching, I don't think that's true anymore. Boy brains and girl brains are different. Really different.
If you don't want to entertain the idea that brains are gendered, you can stop reading this blog right now and find "experts" who will support you. You can find some neuroscientists who will tell you that male brains and female brains are different, BUT those differences are not significant enough to manifest in different behaviors, strengths, weaknesses, learning styles, etc. However, they don't have what I would consider adequate arguments to defend why observable behaviors that directly match up to brain differences do not prove causation. Even more troubling, the most vocal of those neuroscientists says that there isn't any data based on gender to prove that males are falling behind females. That, to me, shatters her credibility. If you would like to see some of those numbers she scoffs at, check out my last blog on Boys at Risk.
There is so much data on brain differences that I can't cover what I want to in one blog post. For this post, lets start with one basic brain scan and what it means for our boys. Check out this scan and see what you think is going on with brain one verses brain two.
The brain on the left, labeled brain one, is a typical female brain. The brain on the left, brain two, is a typical male brain. Both brains are resting. In essence, they are doing nothing.
The typical female brain at rest is lit up all over the place. The most primitive part of the brain and more sophisticated parts of the brain are still active. The left and right sides of the brain are both active. For the typical boy brain at rest, only the most primitive part of the brain is still active at rest.
(For the rest of this post, I am going to stop using the word "typical." Just keep in mind that "typical" means most but not all. There are exceptions and those exceptions are just fine.)
Let's talk about a couple of ways that the way our brains rest makes girls and boys behave differently.
First, boys need to shut down to rest. All brains need to rest from time to time, especially growing ones. Several times a day, your child's brain is going to go into what is referred to as "rest state." This is happening for both girls and boys, but you are going to notice it more in boys. When a girl enters "rest state", she can look like nothing is happening. Particularly in a classroom setting, a girl can be in a "rest state", but continue to take notes, hold an attentive posture, and look like a model student. All the while, her brain has shut down to its most basic state. She probably isn't actually absorbing the information she looks so interested in, but the teacher will likely never know.
When a boy's brain goes into "rest state," he can't hide it. He can't take notes, his posture might slump all the way down to his head on his hand, and he may even fall asleep for a minute. Because he knows that this isn't acceptable in some situations, like the classroom, he might unconsciously try to delay his "rest state" by stimulating his brain through movement - tapping, squirming, playfully hitting a friend - all those things that irritate teachers. The boy is basically making a choice between getting in trouble for "zoning out" or getting in trouble for "acting up."
For teachers, what might help? Boys need more breaks built into the school day. There need to be times when it is okay for the boy brain to shut down for a couple of minutes - whether that is a recess or a nap time or a head-on-desk break. How may times a day? That is going to depend on the age of the child and, honestly, we are going to have to address some other issues (hello, testing) before we could really talk about an adequate balance between work/rest. So, let's just start with MORE than they are getting right now.
Also, boys need opportunities to move. If right now isn't an appropriate time to zone out, but fifteen minutes from now will be appropriate, that boy might need to move. If he isn't given structured movement options, he is probably going to choose one that isn't appropriate. Having a set of acceptable movement options - allow standing up while taking notes, have sponges on tables for boys to tap their pencils on (still tapping, but silent), provide stress balls, use yoga balls instead of chairs - will allow your boys to delay "rest state" without getting in trouble.
For parents, what can you do? If your kid is having trouble because he is zoning out in class, try to talk with his teacher about some of the options above (just don't start with telling him/her how he/she doesn't understand boys - that probably won't go well;) At home, sometimes your kid is going to go into "rest state." Give him a minute. And, for moms, I present this scenario.
Mom, observing boy has zoned out: "What are you thinking about?"
Boy: "Nothing."
Mom, assuming boy is thinking about something nefarious or being sneaky: "Young man, that is not possible. What are you thinking about?"
Note: conversation can also happen between woman and boyfriend/husband in which she assumes he was thinking about that hot girl in yoga pants who lives next door and is hiding his secret lust.
Guess what? Boys are capable of thinking about nothing. They aren't (most of the time) thinking about something and just hiding it from us. Accept the answer, "Nothing" and, as Elsa so wisely advises, Let It Go.
Second, boys have a harder time switching from one activity to the next. The brain scan of the resting brain shows a trend that is mirrored in scans of active brains. Boy brains light up in whichever area needs to be actively working. Female brains stay lit up in many different areas other than the area that needs to be actively working. This means that when we ask a girl to switch from one activity to another (say from writing to putting on her shoes), that's not a problem for her brain. The shoe-putting-on part of her brain was probably already lit up while she was writing. For the boy, however, being asked to switch activities often means that he will have to power-down one part of his brain and turn on a new part. That takes a little time and can be disconcerting when he was focused on what he was doing. His frustration with this sudden switch can quickly morph into the kind of behavior that leads to disciplinary action.
For teacher, what might help? This is such an easy fix! Don't you love easy fixes? First, let your students know what activities they are going to be doing during your class. For example, in my class it might be that Group A will start off working on writing in a small group and will then move to individually working on a computer spelling program. At the beginning of class, I would just verbalize that those are our goals (if I was a Superwoman style teacher like some of my colleagues, I would have some kind of cute visual like clothespins labeled with student names stuck to a colorful organizer to show the day's lesson.) Then, when it gets close to time to switch from one activity to another, just give a time warning. For example, "In five minutes, we are going to be switching to our next activity." A few minutes later, "In 90 seconds we are going to move to our next activity. Group A, just a reminder that you will be switching to spelling on the computers." This process allows the boy brains much needed processing/switch time.
For parents, what can you do? Pretty much the same thing. When you can avoid it, don't tell your boys all of a sudden what you want them to do next. Let them know what the schedule is, "After breakfast you can go play outside for 30 minutes before you clean your rooms." Then, give them warnings as time approaches to switch from one activity to the next. "You have five more minutes to play outside before you come in to clean your rooms." (Take note: I am not saying that this will magically make your son WANT to clean his room. It's a strategy to help minimize frustration but it won't eliminate chore-hatred.)
There's a lot more to say about the male brain, and I look forward to sharing more with you next time! In the meanwhile, here's a fun little video showing Dr. Daniel Amen (who took the brain scan shown above) talking about male/female brain differences.
